Taking stock

2020-12-10

Sometimes it is important to stop and take stock of how far you have come and what kind of lessons you have learned along the way…

There are days that I cringe remembering things that I have said or done in some social situations – socially awkward at the best of times, being ADHD (so scattered and not always ‘thinking” in the moment) I didn’t necessarily always think through everything before I spoke. This has meant that at times I have inadvertently hurt people without meaning to. I’d like to think that I am generally better at this than I used to be – for the most part because nowadays I usually tend to try and just keep my mouth shut unless I am completely sure about the topic, audience and context these days.

But I still have my moments like everyone else. So it’s good to keep in mind that often we have no idea what struggles other people really have going on.

Breaking the bonds

2020-12-09

Sometimes the hardest thing in life is sharing your story to make sure other people feel empowered to share theirs. Being willing to be open, transparent, and vulnerable can be incredibly difficult – especially for those for whom any sort of vulnerability has led to abuse, disparagement, or loss of self. When you learn from experience that any perceived weakness is seen as something to dominate, denigrate or destroy, it becomes second nature to stop trusting, stop sharing, stop letting people know the “real” you.

And instead you become some caricature of your true self, wearing one of those grotesque stage masks so that no one can see or feel the underlying softness or longing for connection, but rather only the hard boundary walls or sharp brittle cutting edges. It helps no one…
but it keeps your heart apart – so it can’t be broken by agony, betrayal or disillusionment again.
but it keeps your soul intact – so it can’t be shredded by the recognition of the depravity of the human psyche, and realisation that when possible many people would as soon destroy you as build you up.
but it keeps your mind functional – so that it doesn’t get pulled into the mire of “if I had only’s” that eventually cause you to question your sanity and the motivations of every single person around you.

The mask allows you to pretend. We all do that to a certain extent.
But people who have discovered that vulnerability needs to be hidden, have mastered making the mask seem “real” to the outside world.

If I have learned anything over the years – that mask also keeps you shackled. It creates expectations and assumptions.
It prevents you from being your authentic self, and keeps you from being wholly known. It reduces relationships to superficial interactions – because you can share time, you can share experiences, you can even share your body, without the other person actually “knowing” and understanding you. In the long run, you are only cheating yourself.
But this is an extremely hard lesson to learn.

And for those who are moving towards removing the mask (at least now and then), each step is agonizing. A piece of the wall removed, a chink in the armour. Often there are as many steps taken backwards, as going forwards.
It takes so much patience and love and support from those around you. Especially if as you are doing so, you hit new reasons to distrust, or are wounded yet again.

So if you know someone trying to share their story, or break down some walls… just “be there”… provide that support without judgement but with lots of love – and know that you are quite possibly saving a heart, if not a life.
And for those of you who were MY strength and stability and support… I can never repay you. It’s meant more than words can ever express. ❤

Giving Tuesday 2020

2020-12-02

With VAST we go into developing countries suffering from the after-effects of environmental disasters. Unfortunately these disasters also mean that frequently there is political instability and chaos that develops, even amidst our planning and sometimes during our visits (we have been escorted more than once by military police!).

Since the safety of our volunteers and participants is always our highest priority, this has meant cancelling workshops (or possibilities) is a common theme – South Sudan in 2015 and 2017; Sierra Leone in 2017 and 2018; Fiji in 2018; and in 2020… everything (Papua New Guinea, Sierra Leone and a train-the-trainer workshop set at Tulane in New Orleans).

Although we have always provided virtual consultations with our colleagues and people on the ground, being hands on is a far more effective and precise way to provide personal guidance and knowledge transfer. However, knowing that the areas we go to will likely lag behind in the ability to vaccinate for CoVID, we obviously need to have protocols in place to keep our people safe if we want to be able to continue doing the work we love to do. During clinics and animal health demonstrations/procedures surgical masks and face shields will be worn, but what about classroom time or when moving around the community when social distancing can be enforced?

The answer? These new *flash* VAST masks! Not only will they alert everyone exactly who our volunteers are, but in addition to vaccinations, can help provide a modicum of comfort and security without alienating the communities we are in. And why are we telling you? VAST’s Executive Director went a little overboard in purchasing. As a result when you make a minimum $25 donation to VAST before the end of 2020, you will receive a mask and handwritten note as a personal thank you from her (in addition to your charitable tax receipt!!).

As a side note: They make excellent conversation starters with random strangers… if you are into that sort of thing – which we all know that I am not… but hey I do live to talk up VAST, so what can you do 🤷🏽‍♀️

So check out our newly updated website (because afterall Jeff has worked super hard on it!!!) at www.vetsabroad.org and donate today! ☺️

Happy December!

The 8th Giving Tuesday…

2020-12-01

It’s another Giving Tuesday !!
This year marks the 8th annual giving day, a global movement for giving and volunteering, taking place each year after the expanse of Black Friday, it’s an opportunity to show generosity of spirit and kindness of the heart. And VAST has been around for all of them!!


The “Opening day of the giving season” it’s a time when charities, companies and individuals join together and rally for favourite causes. Giving Tuesday harnesses the potential of social media and the generosity of people around the world to bring about real change in communities; bringing together the collective power of a unique blend of partners – nonprofits, civic organizations, businesses and corporations, as well as families and individuals – to encourage and amplify small acts of kindness. It is an opportunity to share our capacity to care for and empower one another.

And empowerment is what VAST is all about! Empowering communities to care for themselves in the wake of environmental disaster… We love what we do!

And we love Jeff Cruz… who continues to busily tweak our new website platform to constantly make it bigger and better!
Check it (and us!) out! www.vetsabroad.org

CoVID repercussions…

2020-11-29

Since the beginning of CoVID chaos and the global pandemic, there has been a second shadow pandemic occurring.Being at home and isolating is not safer for everyone. Stress, uncertainty and depression are all known triggers for domestic violence, and we all know this worldwide situation has all 3 of those in abundance. The devastating result is an exponential increase in abuse against women, children, and LGBTQ individuals.

Please – if you notice something “off” find a way to gently, discreetly and non-judgementally show there is support and help out there. Keep in mind that any overt and blatant conversation or display will likely be observed, and retribution will be swift and painful. But they need to know.
They need to know that someone cares and is there to help.
They need to know that they matter and aren’t just a burden or “problem to fix“.
And they need to know that there’s something else, something better, that there’s life after abuse.

Be the light in their darkness.

Looking in the mirror

From various roles over the last 15 years… veterinary student, to researcher, to teaching assistant, and now veterinarian, professor and epidemiologist, there has been a focus on perpetual learning, innovation, collaboration, creativity, and individual development. With wide-ranging interests and experience in public health, environmental management, herd sustainability, and epidemiology, as well as in zoonoses and animal disease prevention, I have worked in developing countries suffering the after-effects of environmental disasters, as well as in northern First Nations communities with reduced access to regular veterinary care, health education, veterinary information or medications due to remote locations or limited financial resources. I have assisted in the development of programs in the face of financial constraints and competition for public resources, which has led to developing an aptitude for “thinking outside the box”. Yet I am constantly at a crossroads, trying to decide which way to go. There are so many exciting opportunities out there… it’s difficult to decide on just one! 🙂 

A farmgirl from the Alberta Rockies I love being outside – camping, canoeing, fishing, mountain biking, hiking – as well as most sports, cycling, running, long walks…. and yet I find myself in jobs and positions where I am relegated to mental gymnastics sitting at a desk. I have a rambling old house and yard so spend lots of time gardening or doing home renos. When I can I also enjoy reading, listening to music, spending time with friends… and so much travelling when I have the time and money! Being out of the city is important for mental tranquility.

And yet there always seems to be something missing… Hence the overanalysed ramblings of my overworked brain being left as fodder for y’all.

Namaste everyone!

Patience and empathy

2018-12-10

When you have a “typical” child, you feel reasonably assured that class participation and decent study habits will result in good grades. These kids have close friends. They get invited to participate in social things like dances and weekend gatherings. They make the teams and clubs.
But when you have a child with certain differences, this is often not the case. Learning may take longer, both academically and socially. Despite their tremendous efforts, results are often a fraction of their peers and social acceptance is fleeting, setting them up for painful comparisons and bitter frustration. Instead of a fun and fulfilling experience, school can become a breeding ground for depression and anxiety. It is exhausting for parent and child alike.

This is the week of SPED (Special Education), Autism, Dyslexia, and ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) awareness. For all the children who struggle every day to succeed in a world that does not recognize their gifts and talents, and for those who are walking beside them, please let this be a gentle reminder to be kind and accepting of ALL people. Recognize that the “playing field” is not always a level surface. Children who learn differently are not weird. They are merely gifted in ways that our society does not value. Yet they want what everyone else wants: To be accepted.If you choose, please copy and paste this in honor of all children who are deemed “different”. Our world would be far less beautiful without them.

My BFF Amanda shared this today… and while these days we focus on her beautiful little boy – who is truly one of the most brilliant 4 year olds I know – it is interesting to note that I fit into this category three times over. While many people would not know to speak or interact with me, I am LD, dyslexic and ADHD…

So truly the point is – see what a little patience can bring you?

Support and making lives matter

2018-12-09

About this time two years ago, I was asked if I would write a letter for #GirlsLivesMatter. Because a sickeningly high percentage of girls from our Northern communities attempt or succeed in taking their lives due to an overwhelming feeling of defeat, hopelessness and despair that nothing will ever change or get better. Sadly… it often doesn’t when you are caught in an unending cycle of poverty, abuse, and self-flagellation. While that letter went on to be published and discussed on CBC, I have often felt that while words can be very powerful, often there is a need for far more.

Ironically I was reminded of this letter this evening while speaking to a male friend and colleague about the vagaries of power. I say ironically because THIS week, I am feeling strong, and secure, and supported. Not only because of supportive individuals and conversations with those such as he (thanks Arinjay!), but because over the last two weeks I have been surrounded by a group of caring “people” who have had my back and gone to bat for me, as well as made the effort to ensure that I remember I still have a “mighty” voice.

And I have been thinking of Paula – whose voice still echoes in many of the things we do and words we speak…
So thank you for reminding me… but don’t forget that YOU TOO also have a voice.

If there is something you feel needs to be said – be brave.
Because if you don’t – who will?

Christmas vacations

2006-12-29

Hello one and all!

Hope that you are doing well, enjoying some down time with friends and family, and relaxing. I am in the process of unwinding, just so that I can get rewound. What a crazy system. 🙂

Let’s see… in the month that I was dead to the world… I wrote 4 finals (one worth 80% and one worth 60%) plus 2 midterm exams. I got the results back from my learning assessment which said that I’m brilliantly borderline retarded – ie of superior intelligence but I can’t process fast enough to keep up in addition to being dyslexic, and because I’m also ADHD I don’t concentrate long enough either.

So I get my own little rooms for exams, where they check on me frequently to make sure I’m okay (I haven’t figured out if this is to make sure I haven’t slit my wrists, or I’m not cheating). It means I can pace when I need to think which is good… of course, during my BChem exam (the horrible 80% exam) I had to choose 8 out of 10 questions to write. Because of all the tutoring I did fine for the first 7. And then I got stuck. For 10 minutes I paced, going over everything I could think of… and nothing. I decided a little blood flow to my brain might help – I would do some yoga! I had just been checked on, so I thought it would be at least 30 minutes before the next check. And just as I went up into my headstand the door opened, and there was the Student Affairs Coordinator – Karen. After explaining what I was doing she left, but I’m not sure that she fully understood! 😉 I did manage to finish the exam though… now I just wait for the mark. 😛

Apparently our scariest quarter ever is coming up – Immunology, Neurology,Embryology, and Nutrition are all taught to us in just 8 weeks. Plus we’re still taking Anatomy, Physiology, and Rounds. So I decided to do some pre-reading (that whole processing thing affects my reading speed) in the mornings while Jay is still asleep. Hopefully it helps! On that note, between Mum and I, we managed to contact my old Embryology prof from U of C. He’s such a nice guy that he is sending me a copy of the CD that they give students as a resource (there is no good textbook still in print for animal embryology). Yay for knowing people!

Speaking of Jay – have I mentioned what an amazing husband I have? He came out the day after his last exam (Dec 12th!!!) just to clean for me, feed me, and keep me calm. He’s wonderful… 🙂 Of course he didn’t keep the cats calm, so they got all wound up and I had to deal with more “misbehaviours” but sometimes there are sacrifices right? Speaking of which… I have given in… the cats are going back to sandy beaches. I can’t handle anymore ‘surprises’. Hopefully they will wait to have GIT disorders until I have graduated and can do the surgeries myself!

So I go back to school on the 3rd (my anniversary! Can you believe – 4 years!). Jay flies home on the 7th and starts his focus on the 10th (we think). He’s doing it in the community since he already works on an Acute Medical, Oncology and Hematology unit and he specialised in Cardiology. This will give him broader scope. But it means he’s not sure where he’ll be exactly yet. Fingers crossed that he can get done soon and come back to me. 🙂 His convocations (he gets 2, the lucky boy, because he’s in a conjoint program) are the 7th and 9th of June.

Anyway, I should go get some reading done! Take care everyone and happy holidays. Best wishes for the new year!

love j ox

ps I’ve attached my family’s annual Christmas letter – you should check it out.